I’m excited! And scared… but more excited. Ive daydreamed about returning to BJJ ever since I started (and failed) years ago. I’m excited to be doing it again. Scared of failure, but know that I will fail! and fail… and fail… and fail… but that’s what it’s about.
I’ve had a chip on my shoulder for a long time. A grudge. A fight needing to happen. I’ve externalized it, but now it’s time to aim it inward. Gently. Lovingly. I no longer have a need to prove anything to anyone. This experience is about growth. I’m middle aged. I will never be “the best” at this… or anything really. But that’s ok. I just want to be “better” than I am now. At my own version of what that is. Last year I found a blog written by another lady bjj practioner and she had some great things to say. I need to remember to check in every once in a while especially when feeling down.
To The Fat Person Googling Jiu Jitsu (this is a GREAT blog BTW)
I am going to love it; the rolling, the learning, the getting healthier, and better. I am going to hate it; the gasping for air, sweat pouring into unholy places, the losing… every… single… class… and I am ready to be humbled.
Mid-July is my target start date. I had major surgery in late March and my Doc asks me to wait until then. I just ordered my GIs and have been looking over a few schools near me. I have two chosen, but am leaning towards one. That will be another post. In the meantime I have begun improving my diet and gathering the bits and pieces needed for classes.