Getting ready for the love/hate

beginnerI’m excited! And scared… but more excited. Ive daydreamed about returning to BJJ ever since I started (and failed) years ago. I’m excited to be doing it again. Scared of failure, but know that I will fail! and fail… and fail… and fail… but that’s what it’s about.

I’ve had a chip on my shoulder for a long time. A grudge. A fight needing to happen. I’ve externalized it, but now it’s time to aim it inward. Gently. Lovingly. I no longer have a need to prove anything to anyone. This experience is about growth. I’m middle aged. I will never be “the best” at this… or anything really. But that’s ok. I just want to be “better” than I am now. At my own version of what that is. Last year I found a blog written by another lady bjj practioner and she had some great things to say. I need to remember to check in every once in a while especially when feeling down.

To The Fat Person Googling Jiu Jitsu (this is a GREAT blog BTW)

I am going to love it; the rolling, the learning, the getting healthier, and better. I am going to hate it; the gasping for air, sweat pouring into unholy places, the losing… every… single… class… and I am ready to be humbled.

Mid-July is my target start date. I had major surgery in late March and my Doc asks me to wait until then. I just ordered my GIs and have been looking over a few schools near me. I have two chosen, but am leaning towards one. That will be another post. In the meantime I have begun improving my diet and gathering the bits and pieces needed for classes.

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3 Comments Add yours

  1. Jiu Jiu says:

    Hello, old lady! 🙂 I just saw you linked to my blog. Thank you so much for the kind words. When will you return back? Be prepared for it to be harder than you remember. However, you’ll get better and rise to the challenge – provided you keep going.

    I’m struggling with consistency. I did finally find a gym close to me with people I like, so starting in August (we are doing a ton of travel this month), I’ll be working on going regularly. My husband is very supportive – I’ve just been dragging my feet.

    Here is to doing things we WANT to do!!

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    1. Just a quick ping to say I am back in class! And after 2 classes, while im sore, im not nearly as wrecked as I thought I’d be. Here’s to US!

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  2. oh wow HELLO! I hope to return this fall. I have to wait until the end of the month to finish healing from a major surgery, and my sig. other and I are buying a house. We’re hoping that gets completed by September. I have been gathering the supplies… a couple of Gis from Inverted Gear, A pair of rash guard shirts, the compression shorts, a pair of high impact bras (ha!) and every little thing that goes with all of it. Enough for 2 sessions a week. It gets expensive! But each new arrival I feel that much closer.

    I know it’s going to be tough. But this time I plan to go into it without the chip on my shoulder I had at 35, without the need to prove I’m “the best” at it. I’m 45. I’m overweight. But I’m a lot less angry at the world and more playful in spirit. Since I stopped going before, it’s like I’ve been obsessed with it. I miss it! After spending a number of year’s essentially handicapped from medical issues, and in getting them fixed, I now am very appreciative of my health and new found vigor. I want to roll with it. 😉

    It’s nice chatting with you! I have some of your blog posts printed out on my fridge for when I’m feeling fat and unmotivated. You have been an inspiration to me and I’m sure to many other women who don’t fit the stereotype of who does BJJ. We need more of us on the mats.

    Here’s to supportive significant others! *clink*

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